Don’t let this post title fool you. I’ve already finished GOW 3. I received a PS3 for the holidays and hunkered down to get as much time with pale, fiery fellow Kratos. Luckily, or not depending on the size of your employer’s heart, NYC has just limped out of Snowpocalypse 2010. That means I had an extra two snow days to sit in my cave and play GOW 3 endlessly. All those who had to show up to work must’ve been more pissed than an ogre with a tooth ache. But not me. I had my PJ’s, fuzzy blanket and hot cocoa on the couch.

I am a huge God of War fan. You might recall that it was God of War that got me this job. So, why haven’t I played it up until this point? Well, I’m cheap and the PS3 is expensive. Also, I have a 360 and Wii at home and foolishly figured I had enough gaming potential. Boy, was I completely wrong. (More about my PS3 reactions will come later. In short, the PS3 is freakin’ awesome!)

It’s not that I didn’t have a gnawing, insatiable need to play GOW 3. It’s just my old school NY Italian self couldn’t break away from the miserly genes handed down through the generations. Thankfully, my loved ones look after me. Or they just didn’t want any more great “deal” exchanges that would result with me owning a PS3 and them a slightly used cat. Anywho..

GOW 3 is everything I expected it to be. It is on a huge scale. It is obscene. It is beautiful and gory at once. The boss battles are luscious, challenging affairs. The kills are shockingly wicked. Kratos feels brutal and unstoppable. I only wish it exceeded my expectations. I know that’s an unfair sentence but it is true. GOW 1 was completely innovative with it’s combo system that pleased those with controller finesse and button mashers alike. Kratos was an outrageous character as savage as he was driven. The set pieces, the mini-games, weapons, yadda, yadda, yadda. We all know the score. GOW 2 had beautiful art presented on a grand scale. The lack of load points led to a fluid, cinematic feel.  The bosses and flight scenes were some of the best I’ve ever played. I feel that games like Batman Arkham Asylum and Star Wars: Force Unleashed are inspired by the GOW series.

GOW 3 has everything GOW 2 had but I think it suffered in its position as the PS3 showpiece. It’s as if the designers were in a meeting and said, “make it EPIC” every chance they got. Perhaps even a little “X-TREME” was peppered in as well. Almost every fight in GOW 3 is a boss battle. I felt it lacked some of the enemy clusters in dangerous hallways that I so loved. Sometimes, the player wants to just let loose and kill a bunch of dudes without worrying about the hit sequence or cover points. This is not to say that the EPIC battles weren’t enjoyable but even hard games need to give you a moment to let off some steam. I did play it on Hard Mode but I felt every interaction was a struggle and I am most X-TREME. Of course, I am going to replay it on Titan Mode because I like punishment (another Italian-Catholic gene handed down from my forebears.)

The new implementation of the magic has me on the fence. In GOW 1-2, magic is independent of the weapon you use. GOW 3 introduces the magic tied to the weapon mechanic. While this mechanic offers a chance to try out different weapons more easily/readily, it did wind up affecting the weapons I utilized which, in turn, affected the magic I used. This is a mild bummer as I favor the Blades of Athena and Nemean Cestus for combat and use them almost exclusively. That means that I couldn’t quickly activate the magic tied with the Claws of Hades and Nemesis Whip, ie they never get used. I did feel that perhaps a player with a penchant for using all weapons would find the system just fine but I am a player that uses what works over what has the most style. Perhaps in my replay, I will try and master all the weapons.

What works super well are the special items and the combat overall. Kratos is feeling spry in his old age. He is responsive and graceful. The old favorite combos are there plus some new baddassery. Items are both useful for traversing puzzles and for beating the snot out of enemies. And those beatings are immense. At some point, Kratos takes out Helios and well, uses his decapitated noggin as a lantern. It’s pretty fantastic. There is the requisite sexy scene, which is pretty sexy but loses out a little bit in the fact that players have been waiting for it to all along. The surprise is gone but I felt that the designers were damned if they did and damned if they didn’t. The sexy scene has been a hallmark of GOW since the beginning but how to make the oldest act new? There is a subtle nod to this dilemna with a half-naked priestess that I appreciated.

GOW 3 is totally worth it. Even without the bloodshedding awesomeness, it is satisfying to complete Kratos’s story. I wished the game was longer, though not because there was a lack of game time but rather so I could have just a little more fun.

Jess-O-Meter: A

If you have been keeping track of my play history you would know that at last post I was immersed in Dragon Age: Origins. Wow! Now that I’m looking back, I see that I originally reviewed Dragon Age in October! This should give some clue to how entrenched I am at this point. I have 60 hours logged in a character that I have not restarted (which is a big deal for me) and will probably finish the game with. 60 hours. Dragon Age: Origins has 120 hours of gameplay. Ouch. Half way through and I started to get this tingling sensation in my pointer fingers. What could it be? Why, it was an itchy trigger finger! I was yearning for a break from managerial minutia for the streamlined simplicity of sniping some head shots. I definitely plan on returning to Ferelden and conquering evil with my Rogue but for now, I need some straight up action.

Originally, I popped in Mass Effect 2 but honestly, it was too Bioware, too familiar from the Dragon Age model. I wanted something entirely new. Luckily for me, it’s Christmas and that means a office nerd gifts! Nobody gets me nerd gifts like my co-workers. I was not disappointed. I unwrapped Tommy’s gift and there was Sam Fisher giving me the eyeball. I’ve never played a Splinter Cell game before. I usually don’t go for realistic war time games and assumed, perhaps incorrectly, that anything with Tom Clancy’s name on it wasn’t worth my time. Yes. I am a game and book snob. And don’t get me started on music.

Once Splinter Cell was up on screen, I was singing a different tune. First off, it is a beautiful game. The voice acting is superb and although it seems a little Jack Bauer at times, the story piques my interest. Like Jack Bauer, Sam Fisher is a complete badass in both deed and word. He employs violence as a major interrogation tool, can clear an entire hanger of thugs and stalks his prey from the shadows. What’s not to like?!?

Fisher comes across as very agile and very deadly. The cover system, while not completely flawless, is really strong. By holding the trigger and aiming at highlighted cover points, Fisher can silently move from cover to cover without getting stuck on unwanted surfaces. Sometimes, the cover area you want does not highlight but there is usually a way to find another path. I find the the aiming/sniping behaviour is very forgiving and usually fair. This did not stop me from a couple of, “Come on! I shot that guy!” moments.
I also have to give the pace a big thumbs up. This is one of those games where you look up after a particulary intense session and realize two hours have passed. The tension vs action ratio is great. Also, there aren’t any in-game loads. Splinter Cell: Conviction does most of its loading during sweet cut-scenes. This makes for a fairly seamless experience. I find that the missions are clear yet challenging. I haven’t gotten “lost” yet. This is not to say I’m just breezing through. My Sam Fisher has definitely gotten shots to the face but this just makes me replay to mess up that dude that messed up my dude. dude.

There are plenty of gadgets and weapons that can be upgraded. Weapon upgrade points are earned by executing certain challenges like pulling 5 guys out of windows or sniping a certain amount of guys from the shadows. I like this type of reward system. I feel it encourages me to try actions that I might ordinarily wouldn’t. For example, if I know this one action will work, I will do that action as much as I can. But if I can get a bigger, better gun by executing a less tested move, I will definitely try it out.

Bottom line: Get Tommy to buy you Splinter Cell: Conviction. You won’t be disappointed!

Dear Santa,

I know I haven’t been very good this year. Or last year for that matter. But if you could ignore the hours of murderous rampages I executed in space, mystical realms and parallel universes, I would really be in to the idea of getting something special under my tree.  These are the items I am willing to settle for:

1. Fully functioning Tardis and or Time Travel Delorean (not picky here!)

2. Light Cycle that dices up the punks wandering the Brooklyn Streets

3. Giant cyclops robot horse/dog to ride into work. The MTA is waaay too unrealistic.

4. Magically enchanted power ring (good or evil.. but probably evil)

5. Sword of Thundara

6. some sort of rocket launcher/flamethrower/gatling gun combo (do these come in pink?)

7. dominion over animals

8. dominion over machines

9. dominion in general

10. knee socks

Thanks Santa! And remember… I know where you live.

Oh and Uncle Melvin says “Hey there, Bear!”:

TTFN!

Hey all! Americans will recognize today as the biggest drinking holiday of the year. Luckily, it is followed with the best hangover cure ever invented. Turkey and cranberry sauce, how I covet you.

Anywho, in celebration of the day that the Native Americans got royally screwed, here are some games that, I feel, have screwed the general gaming populations.  Here it comes. Some nominations for the worst Game Turkeys:

I know. I know. I really shouldn’t have had so much hope for a movie tie-in but I love me some Peter Venkman. This game had all the hooks: awesome voice talent, big game house budget and time, something that more immediate tie-ins never have. What was I expecting? Humor and the chance to fire a proton pack.  What did I get? Lame jokes and lamer game mechanics. Bummer town.

Gobble Score: Sawdust turkey chewed by Aunt Edna’s toothless maw.

The Simpsons Game is a bit trickier than just a simple write-off as another jerky turkey tie-in game. I have extremely fond memories of The Simpsons Arcade Game. That game ruled! Marge’s vacuum attack? Priceless! While the art was attractive, this game played awfully. Characters could barely interact with environments due to a shoddy control scheme. So what could be a pretty and surreal experience was decimated by the frustration of pressing a button that must be pressed, but for some odd reason physically cannot be pressed. D’oh.

Gobble Score: Coagulated Cranberry Jiggle.

Now I love me some Dante. What breathing lady wouldn’t? I was super excited to load this game up. I was super excited for a little Nero love. I was ready and receptive for all of it. That is until I realized that DMC 4 was the exact same game as DMC1-3. And Nero was a frustrating combatant. I was starting to get down on this series when the powers that be decided that it would be a good idea to re-fight all of the bosses you just fought and defeated again. But the fact that DMC was so locked into its formula just completely turned me off. As an aside, I loved Bayonetta. It had a vibrancy that DMC has lost.

Gobble Score: Uncle Jimmy passed out in the potatoes.

It is not a secret that I’m not so into Final Fantasy. I’m not so keen on turn-based strategy games. But I really, really want to be on the Final Fantasy train. The mythos seems so rich and artsy! I thought that this shooter would be a nice way for me to ease into the FF universe without submitting myself to the torture of turn-based malarkey. Good idea. Instead of torturing myself with epically slow “battles” I now get to deal with sloppy aiming, boring weapons and one of the most frustrating cameras I have ever dealt with. Needless to say, I still am on the outside of the FF party looking in.

Gobble Score: Fluffy puppy jello salad barf.

Lost Planet: Extreme Conditions might be the winner of the award for quickest hateful reaction. Honestly, I don’t think I clocked more than 30 minutes before I deemed this game unplayable. Perhaps I came to the series too late? Perhaps I should check out Lost Planet 2? I don’t know if I’m even interested….

Gobble Score: Trypto Coma

Happy Thanksgiving!

Or….not.

Activision’s Spider-Man Shattered Dimensions is possibly the most fun I’ve had with my DS since Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrows.  Serious.  This does not mean that there aren’t some flaws but who cares about flaws when you’re completely satisfied with how the game plays.  Spidey-Man lives up to the fluid ninja acrobatics I’ve been witness to in years of comic books and recent movies.  I would have to say, that Spider-Man feels like Spider-Man akin to the Batman experience in Arkham Asylum. Entire boss battles can be spent flipping, punching and swinging without once touching the floor.  As you progress, new attacks and defense moves are added until you are a bad guy defeating machine.  At some point, you realize that you are a totally realized superhero.

What furthers the awesomeness is that you get to play as not one but three different Spider-Mans..err..Spider-Men(?)! Totally tubular dude! But all outbursts aside, I enjoyed the style of each Spider-Guy and the reminder that these disparate story threads co-exist. Each Spider-Man starts with different skills that can be passed through time portals to each other.  I love time portals.  I really do.

Ok so the story isn’t so deep but who cares when you’re juggling bad guys like the bean bags I never could actually juggle.

One disappointment is that the level environments don’t quite live up to Spidey’s skill sets.  There are a couple of small challenges that require Spider-Man to utilize a specific skill. Like Metroid, Spidey can access hidden objects through backtracking after receiving the pertinent skill.  Unlike Metroid, in which your specific beam or suit was necessary to defeat an entirely new hostile environment, Spider-Man’s skills are use to break a couple of objects and never really progress past a key-like function.  Perhaps this is due the fact that levels are very similar to one another and all require the same set of skills for exploration.

While I haven’t completed the entire game, I get the feeling that the end is nigh (confirmed just now by one N. Mikros). I am already saddened by the future lack of Spider-Man.  I’m not sure if “leaving them wanting more” is what Activision had in mind but it certainly describes my psychological environment.  Unfortunately, I don’t think that the replay value is very high with this game. There just isn’t enough uniqueness in level challenges or enemies to entice me. I will have to remain in an anxious state of waiting for the next installment.  Although, it’s possible I may pick it up in a couple of months just to revisit Spider-Man’s agility and power.